So I got an e-mail from a buddy that a member of our gym/BJJ team passed away. He was Chamorro (from Guam), a really good purple belt, young and handsome. His name was Chris Benevente. What a fucking shame it is to hear that man. Nothing's worse than when young & healthy people die, robbed of so much life. I offer his brother, and his loved ones my condolences and I hope they are able to get on with their lives as best as possible. Man death sucks, I guess a lot for me because I was never eased into it. My 1st experience was abrupt and unexpected; my father dying as I attempted CPR, he was just 39. As you grow up you expect great grandparents and grandparents to go 1st, you don't even think of your parents being close to death or sister/brothers whatever. My grandfather is still kickin', he goes to the gym and lifts weights and I'll add that he goes way too heavy on legs. He's fucking nuts, seriously if I told you the poundage you wouldn't even believe me, it's more than I use!! Koppenhaver's are few, just me, grandpa, and younger brother left, so one of us brothers needs to continue the line. We 1st came over from Germany just before the Revolutionary War, a Koppenhaver was actually a General in the war, kinda cool. Anyway, enough of my geniology.
I wanna touch on a subject that I know is gonna cause all kinds of drama, but oh fucking well. Why is it okay for women to admit they have "rape fantasies" but if a man were to it's the end of the world, he's disgusting, evil, etc.? I've heard from countless women that they have this fantasy, but never from a man, why? And does having a fantasy mean you may do it? Do people not fantasize about countless things every day that they never do? How many times have you fantasized of punching your boss, did you ever do it? I bring it up because in these books I'm reading, "The Kent Family Chronicles," there have been a few rape scenes and I won't lie, shit got me horny as hell. I felt guilty at 1st because I knew it's something that I'd never do and something that I believe is wrong. In fact, I have fantasized a couple of times of going on that sex offender website, stalking, and killing some of them. Anyway, it's a subject I thought should be brought up and that people should think on. The world is full of such hypocrisy, really. Same goes for a man to admit he wants to bang 3 girls all at once, if a female said she wanted to bang 3 guys at once she'd instantly be the biggest whore ever. While the guy, no one would think twice of his comment. I think the rape fantasy subject is in the same ballpark in the regard of hypocrisy. Fuck! Faded again. LOL.
My wife and homie Tone, one of the owners of Fokai, just visited. Good visit. Got the rundown on the latest Undisputed Gym drama, what a mess! My SEAL homie is leaving tomorrow for the Red Sea to do anti-piracy, mercenary work, for 3 months. Gonna make $1000/day and tax free! Tight! He just has to post up at an oil rig in the ocean with his sniper rifle and blast any pirate that tries to roll up and take over, easy day! I wish I could do that! Sounds plenty fun! Man visits really let you know that the memories of real life do exist! I miss so much right now! My wife, friends, and gym. Can't wait to be released! At the same time though, visits & phone calls inspire happy thoughts and imagination of bright future and those two things make you miserable here! It's almost easier to just do the time and speak to no one on the outside. Nothing worse than getting caught up in all of these positive things, and then realize you're stuck in a tiny cell and can't do shit! Shit like this makes the time DRAG. The past 24 hrs. have felt like a week.
You know what's weird? I could have gone home a long time ago I bet. For some reason people like to tell me shit, people seem drawn to me and trust me easily. Right now I know of 3 men here, fighting murders, that have told me EVERYTHING. I'm here for a B.S. lil' bar fight and just a few months left, I don't think it'd be much of a tough decision for the D.A.'s office to let me go in return for my testimony. And people in this system "rat" on others all the time, they rat on their best friends, even relatives, I could never bring myself to do that. I dunno if that makes me dumb or not? After all these dudes are just strangers but to walk into a court room and take the stand and look at a man while you pretty much end his life, a man who confided in you, just feels wrong. Guess it's my sense of honor? I dunno, plus it's not like these guys killed lil' kids or raped and killed women. They killed people who pretty much deserved it. But then again, MY opinion of people who deserve death is far different from the law's. I've laid in my bunk and thought of it from time to time, but I just couldn't look myself in the mirror if I did. I'd be no better than the lames that took the stand against me crying of a bloody lip. I was raised not to be a "tattle tale" though, what ever happened to that? Now kids are taught to tell on their parents for spanking them!! Nuts! If my kid did that I'd ship the fucker off to some 3rd world country, sell him for 10 bucks! LOL! Seriously though, rats make me sick.
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